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Sexuality: Come on life, give it to me, I am here

When do you allow your life to be really hot (het)?

“Come on life, give it to me, I am here, I am ready to explore.”
I guess that has been my prayer for decades, like an undercurrent in my life, sometimes sweeping over me like and un-stoppable tsunami.
And sometimes I am not prepared for the force of the prayer, wondering why I asked for it, at moments being crippled by panic or fearing the exploration so much that I choose mistrust or boredom.
But then again, what would life be without the roller coaster effect?


I have heard many people saying that I am courageous. And one of my answers is: “I am not courageous, I am just doing what I have to do.” And the response is often: “That is courage.”
Sometimes I feel like an explorer, wanting to experience as much as possible and surrender to what life then gives me. It might be a load of primal fears, such as fear of dying, fear of rejection, fear of being ridiculed, fear of being thrown out of my tribe, fear of being to much.
And with that might come a whole lot of shame, guilt and shock that might turn in to mindfuck, overcompensation, and so on.
So there is some risk-taking there. If I really want to live my life, feel it, being in it, I need to allow the risky sides to be part of it... because when I do take risks, my experience is that many of my fears dissolves, and I am free to be me... and then it’s okay when people to judge me, reject me or see me as being to much.
Meeting the risk of all this, brings so much juice to my life.

I would have felt utterly embarrassed by the thought of my much freer sexual behavior in many situations.


One of the areas where it’s really easy to feel triggered is sexuality. Our society has a lot of ideas around sexuality, taboos, and moral standards, ideas of how I should behave and not behave sexually. So there is a grand possibility to learn, through exploring sexuality, and reflect on what triggers me... and to allow me to make choices from a freer position, than my conditioning put me in.

So at the beginning of this millennium, I started to consciously explore my sexuality – in the first phase to admit the existence of it, and starting to say: YES to it... opening up for curiosity around it, and then slowly living it, while doing groups and trainings and meeting people who already had a more relaxed relation to themselves and their sexuality.

It’s been a lot of steps, a lot of shame attacks, a lot of fears on this journey. And what I’ve found is this treasure that has been hiding deep inside of me. Well actually, it’s like I found the well of life, and experiencing that it consist of me, my higher self, my prayers and something immeasurable, so much greater than my tiny body... To be bold: I have started experiencing the Divine in myself and in anything I encounter.
And what is a super important key to live my life in totality is to meet my insecurities and fears and being passionate about exploring my sexuality and saying yes to my horniness.

Now and then I dive into a workshop or a retreat as a participant. And I dive into deep waters, allowing my inner explorer to have her experiences...and now I’m back on shore after such an exploration. Sometimes I am a frog in a bowl where the heat is turned on until I jump out of it, and meet what ever is happening outside the bowl – and that might be magic, deep frustration or anything in between.
And I am vibrantly alive today. And yes – again I have met a lot of fears, again I have stretched my comfort zone, again I have had mindfucks – and again I have felt my horniness, my willingness, my ability to cope, my ability to love and to feel humble.

If someone would have told me some twenty years ago that I would live the life I live today. If she would have pointed out the challenges I take, the fears I meet, the pleasure I enjoy... If she would tell me that you will call yourself a warrior of love, and how I would live my sexuality, and what kind of orgasms I would enjoy... I would have laughed my head of and at the same time feel utterly embarrassed by the thought of my much freer behavior in many situations.
And I really love this journey I am on, even though I burn myself at times. 


Charlotte Cronquist is a warrior of love
Love is the answer

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Charlotte Cronquist

Charlotte Cronquist
Bloggen för dig som vill få ut det mesta av livet. Författaren och coachen Charlotte Cronquist lär dig hur du får bättre relationer och hur du kan älska mer. Blogposts in English available.

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